How Do You Know

I have been asked a lot of questions during the adoption process. Questions are both fun and challenging. One question that I have always had a difficult time articulating is: How did you know you should adopt?

There are a lot of ways to answer this question. First, there are 30 million orphans in the world. That should be reason enough to adopt and/or sponsor an orphan. However, just because there is need, does not mean I always respond (take for example dieting, cleaning house, exercise, and other world needs, ect). Second, adoption had been a lifelong goal. Even before Christopher and I were married I told him about my deep desire to adopt. But, this adoption process is much more than a “want” or “personal goal.” Not to mention, just because I want something does not mean I should pursue it. (I am a girl with many wants.)

I find this hard to articulate with words, this is more of a feeling deep in my soul. I recognize in others when a desire has penetrated their heart or not. Sometimes I see in others and in myself the tendency to talk about hopes and dreams, but never do anything to make it happen. For example – I hear all the time how people want to travel. Well, stop talking about it and start saving $25 a week. In less than one year you will have well over $1,000. If you watch for deals, $1,000 can get you a plane ticket and hotel for five nights almost anywhere in the US. With all due respect, don’t use the excuse you don’t have the money to travel. If you really want to travel you will start saving. If you won’t save $25 a week, then, you don’t REALLY want to travel. Part of traveling is the pre-travel process of saving and learning that allows you to reach the goal. This simple example overlaps with my adoption experience thus far. I have a point to this blog entry, I promise.

You see, we have done a ton of work to reach the goal. Taking the cat and dog to the vet, 8 letters of reference, FBI checks, Oregon State checks, fingerprinting (2x), local background checks, 10 hours of on-line education, 200+ page educational workbook, financial profiling, bank statements, employer statements, just to mention a few. My point is not to brag about all the hard work ... It is to write that the process itself has answered the question “How do I know?”

One situation in particular really solidified this. I had to drive out to the far side of Hillsboro (that’s over an hour from our home), pay a notary $35 for five minutes of his time, hire a babysitter to watch Lillian because 2.5 hours in the car is brutal for any 17 month old, and watch my employer sign a paper saying I work two hours a week. Not exactly cost effective or the way I would like to spend my time. Everything about this would normally give me reason to complain. But, I was so excited about the goal, that the unpractical use of time and money really did not faze me. I was actually eager and thankful. This is a big indicator … this coming from a person like me who usually researches the best use of money down to the penny and plans the use of my time weeks in advance (Type A, I know). But, when someone is truly passionate about something there is very little that can stop them besides themselves. This is what I have experienced as we have worked through the paperwork process. This is how I know we are doing the right thing, God willing.


The most important thing that has penetrated my heart is desiring someone to be a part of my family. Thinking, wondering, dreaming, imagining and praying for our next child. Thinking about their joyful expressions and tears of sadness. Wondering what they like to eat and what makes them laugh. Dreaming about Lillian playing with her little brother or sister. Imagining what this child will teach me. Praying this child will know how much I love them.

I believe that God wonders the same things about us. He desperately wants to be in communion with us … for us to be a part of His eternal family. The process for God to make a way for me to be adopted into his eternal family was The Ultimate Sacrifice, Jesus Christ. How would we know the love of God if he did nothing to show us? Likewise, how can I talk about the goal and dream of adoption and not pursue it?

Friends, it is in the process of trying that I can confidently answer your “How do you know” question. I know when I rejoice in the hard things and find joy in each step of the process. This is only possible because I have grown deeper in my understanding of my own adoption story through Jesus Christ.

This is how I know.

41 down 22 to go

Good news! We have completed all the paperwork for the home study. Yeah! That is a checklist of 41 documents. Wow! Our social worker contacted us yesterday and we have set up an appointment for the first week in January. Our next task is to complete all the paperwork for the dossier, another 22 documents. We are thrilled!

Because of Jesus.

In the words of Chris ...

I have typed a ton of my opinions and feeling about adoption on this blog. Everything I have written Chris has also read and has agreed with. But, I thought I would share some of his words from his personal profile. This profile is a 51 page packets with over 150 questions about our marriage, mental health, parenting, support systems, preparedness, and much more. We have each completed a profile and I did not read Chris’ words until last night. I was so encouraged and inspired by the man I have married that I wanted to share it with you. What an awesome man of God and father! These are his exact words:

In the last ten years, how have you changed when dealing with life situations?
“I have learned that life is FILLED with unique situations and have found that God has led me through EVERY adversity I’ve ever been faced with. A maturity I didn’t have 10 years ago.”

What are your partner’s strengths and weaknesses?
“She is extremely passionate about The Lord, is very loving, encouraging and an excellent communicator. Weaknesses … I can’t think of any. She is perfect.”

What are you and your spouse’s similarities and differences? How do you resolve or accept these differences?
“We both respect one another’s needs and differences. We are unbelievably different and 100% opposites in nearly everything, but it has become the absolute perfect combination and we balance each other well.”

Describe your marriage in terms of emotional satisfaction.
“I feel a strong sense of compassion and love both from her and towards her, she completes every part of me and we balance each other out very well. We are very connected with one another’s needs."

If you and your spouse have ever separated or contemplated separation, please describe the circumstances, and how you resolved the difficulties.
“Never thought of it …. Ever.”

Please describe what you want your child(ren) to remember most when they look back from adulthood.
“That their father was ALWAYS available and was someone they could trust.”

Please describe what values and /or principals you plan to impart to your child(ren).
“Hard work. Dedication to whatever it is they want to do. Being friendly and loving and Christ-like to those around them. Forgiveness, probably my #1 virtue.”

How do you show your children that you love them?
“LOTS and LOTS of hugs and kisses. Words of encouragement.”

When and why did you decide to adopt?
“It has been my wife’s life long goal. She has always had a heart for adoption and I love children, whether they are my own or not, my heart goes out to all of them. I felt the Lord lead us toward adoption many years ago."

What is your ideal relationship with birth parents/biological family members?
“Family is extremely important to me so if there is any chance of an on-going relationship I would try to take full advantage of that. Even to the point of traveling back to the country to meet the parents.”

Please describe the characteristics of a child you feel would be suitable for your family to adopt (age, appearance, physical condition, background factors, ect.)
“Well, saying “suitable” insinuates that I have a rigid criteria in which that child must meet before I will accept them … this is simply not the case and I don’t agree with the question. I trust that God will provide the child that is in His plans for me to love and openly accept.”

What challenges and rewards do you anticipate as a minority family?
“Challenges – I am sure there will be some segregation at times, I think it’s important to respond in a humble manor and always be courteous. Rewards – the excitement about learning a new culture and the differences and incorporating them into our family dynamics.”

There are many other questions I wanted to share, but this gives you a flavor of the character of Chris. If it was possible I would post his entire profile for the world to read and be encouraged by. I am often the person in the spot light, but nothing I do would be possible without Chris’ behind-the-scenes support and dedication to our family.

I love my husband and the father of Lillian and our next child.
He is the reason this adoption is possible.

Big Sister

I just wanted to share two adorable pictures of Lillian. She loves her baby dolls! Not to mention she was the cutest "Lilly Bug" for Halloween!

Sometimes it seems crazy to think about being a Mommy for two kids. Honestly, I often feel overwhelmed with only one munchkin ... yet, their is something that feels so complete when I imagine meeting our next child. I know it will be challenging, but I am ready for it! When Lillian kisses and care for her baby dolls I am reminded what a wonderful big sister she will be someday.

Exciting News!

Wow. This was such an amazing sermon. It is well worth the time! If I could strap you to a chair, lock the door, mute your cell phone, and make you listen for 50 minutes then I would do it. No hesitation (and remember this is coming from the person who never uses force). Seriously, it is worth your time! Just listen to it. You won’t be disappointed. I would love to learn together. Just cut and paste the link below.

http://www.willamettechurch.com/mission-hope-part-7-a-hope-that

Generosity seems to be the theme of the week. I have exciting news to share … We have been fully funded, God willing, for stage two. Yes! Fully funded. Maybe some of you had read the blog from Sept 23rd where we shared some of our needs? Well, prayers answered!!! We are overwhelmed with joy and simply humbled by the generosity of these very special people. It is hard to explain in words what it feels like to accept money from others. In the same instant you want to scream “Thank-you so much!” while shouting “You shouldn’t have! I can’t take this much from you!” It is bizarrely humbling to feel so thankful and yet so resistant. I understand that this money could be used for a million other things (cars, remodeling, vacation, savings, other charitable giving, Christmas, and on and on) but, it was purposefully chosen for our adoption.

This reality leaves me with only one thing to write … Thank-you! We promise to do our best with God’s resources by making decisions that are honoring to Him. We are learning what this looks like from people like you.

Thank-you Dad and Mom. I love you.

Changing From The Inside Out

This is a long one. Grab a cup of tea and pull up a chair. I hope you find it worthy of 10 minutes of your time.

God is teaching me so many lessons. I feel as though a lens has been lifted from my eyes and I am one small step closer to understanding how God sees His world. This process has been humbling, challenging, embarrassing, and completely transforming. I have felt so unworthy to put in words what has been etched into my heart. The truth is … I am a selfish, proud, judgmental, and unworthy sinner. Really, I am the least ‘qualified’ person to be sharing. Hence, the long delay in writing on this blog. But, enough is enough! My motive is selfish. So, with humility, I will do my best to share what is in my heart.

The privileges I have been blessed with in this country have solidified my corrupt human nature. (Please don’t get me wrong, I am truly thankful to have been born in this beautiful country.) But, at the end of the day, I have chosen to insulate myself with the comforts, prestige, freedoms, and lies of this country. It is a tremendous blessing to live in a place where a one-stop shopping experience is three blocks from home (aka: Fred Meyer), I have four faucets with clean water in my home, I have access to health care, I have a pantry and refrigerator stocked with food, and I have money in the bank. This is also a curse, because it is nearly impossible to not take food, water, heath care, and money for granted.

Over the past few weeks I have made a proactive decision to educate myself on what is happening in the world. We have all heard the statistics before, right? I could fill the pages with horror stories, gut-retching statistics, and real life struggles that are happening the very same moment I type this blog from the comforts of my warm, safe, and clean home. According to my best guess, you have been reading this blog entry for 45 seconds. Sadly, as you have been reading 12 precious children have died from a preventable illness. It is incomprehensible!!! But, even the most appalling stories of the brokenness in our world have not penetrated through the ‘world of comfort’ that I have built around myself. Quite frankly, I feel deeply when I hear the horrors in our world, but by the next day I am focused on something else.

So where does this leave me? …. Slowly, as I grow in confidence in Jesus Christ … I am being changed from the inside out. Here are just a few of the simple things that have left an impression on me over the last two weeks.

1. Taking the “Rice and Bean” challenge. In other words, eating what half the world eats everyday (if they are lucky). Only rice, beans and water for 1, 3, or 5 days. This was really hard for me.

2. Real Life exhibit. Just check it out, you won’t be disappointed. www.medicalteams.org/sf/real_life_exhibit

3. Studding the book of James. Listen to the sermons on: www.willamettewomen.com

4. Attending an India Partners banquet and listening to the testimonies of human trafficking. Check it out: www.indiapartners.org

5. The series Mission Hope that our church has been teaching on and God’s heart for His poor and oppressed children. www.willamettechurch.com

6. Recognizing that adopting a child from Ethiopia is not enough. In fact, it is only the beginning.

7. Writing out a Max Luccado prayer on a note card and placing it beside this computer. The prayer is typed on the bottom of this blog entry.

8. Above all else, the most important thing is discovering a restored sense of HOPE. I am only one person, but I can make a difference. What I choose to do or not do will make a difference. All the strength I need can be found in Christ. My change of heart begins and ends with Him.

My goal is not to organize this blog into a check-off list. That defeats the point. I just want to share with you a few specific ways that God is changing me during this adoption process and providing a new hope that the world cannot offer. In a time of confusion, frustration, and confession, a wise women gave me this link to a short passage from Max Luccado in his book Outlive Your Life: You Were Made to Make a Difference. It left an impression on me and I would encourage you to spend some time reading it too.

When We Love Them,
We Love Him
by Max Lucado

Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.
—Matthew 25:40 (MSG)

There are many reasons to help people in need.
“Benevolence is good for the world.”
“We all float on the same ocean. When the tide rises, it benefits everyone.”
“To deliver someone from poverty is to unleash that person’s potential as a researcher, educator, or doctor.”
“As we reduce poverty and disease, we reduce war and atrocities. Healthy, happy people don’t hurt each other.”

Compassion has a dozen advocates.

But for the Christian, none is higher than this: when we love those in need, we are loving Jesus. It is a mystery beyond science, a truth beyond statistics. But it is a message that Jesus made crystal clear: when we love them, we love him. This is the theme of his final sermon. The message he saved until last. He must want this point imprinted on our conscience. He depicted the final judgment scene. The last day, the great Day of Judgment. On that day Jesus will issue an irresistible command. All will come. From sunken ships and forgotten cemeteries, they will come. From royal tombs and grassy battlefields, they will come. From Abel, the first to die, to the person being buried at the moment Jesus calls, every human in history will be present.

All the angels will be present. The whole heavenly universe will witness the event. A staggering denouement. Jesus at some point will “separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats” (Matt. 25:32). Shepherds do this. They walk among the flock and, one by one, with the use of a staff direct goats in one direction and sheep in the other. Graphic, this thought of the Good Shepherd stepping through the flock of humanity. You. Me. Our parents and kids. “Max, go this way.” “Ronaldo, over there.” “Maria, this side.”

How can one envision this moment without the sudden appearance of this urgent question: What determines his choice? How does Jesus separate the people? Jesus gives the answer. Those on the right, the sheep, will be those who fed him when he was hungry, brought him water when he was thirsty, gave him lodging when he was lonely, clothing when he was naked, and comfort when he was sick or imprisoned. The sign of the saved is their concern for those in need. Compassion does not save them—or us. Salvation is the work of Christ. Compassion is the consequence of salvation. The sheep will react with a sincere question: when? When did we feed, visit, clothe, or comfort you (vv. 34–39)?

Jesus will recount, one by one, all the acts of kindness. Every deed done to improve the lot of another person. Even the small ones. In fact, they all seem small. Giving water. Offering food. Sharing clothing. The works of mercy are simple deeds. And yet, in these simple deeds we serve Jesus. Astounding this truth: we serve Christ by serving needy people.

Some of them live in your neighborhood; others live in jungles you can’t find and have names you can’t pronounce. Some of them play in cardboard slums or sell sex on a busy street. Some of them walk three hours for water or wait all day for a shot of penicillin. Some of them brought their woes on themselves, and others inherited the mess from their parents.

None of us can help everyone. But all of us can help someone. And when we help them, we serve Jesus. Who would want to miss a chance to do that? Then the King will say to those on his right, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.”
(Matthew 25:34–36 NLT)

O Lord, where did I see you yesterday . . . and didn’t recognize you? Where will I encounter you today . . . and fail to identify you properly? O my Father, give me eyes to see, a heart to respond, and hands and feet to serve you wherever you encounter me! Transform me, Lord, by your Spirit into a servant of Christ, who delights to meet the needs of those around me. Make me a billboard of your grace, a living advertisement for the riches of your compassion. I long to hear you say to me one day, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” And I pray that today I would be that faithful servant who does well at doing good. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

From Outlive Your Life: You Were Made to Make a Difference
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 2010) Max Lucado

Adoption Planning

We have received our home study packet, adoption planner, and With Eyes Wide Open Workbook. Our first conference call is next week with our social worker and we are delighted to learn more. Life has been so busy it is tough to find time to write on the blog.

God has completely captured my heart with the Women's Bible Study of the book of James. Our church is also doing a series called Mission Hope which is emphasizing the needs in the world and God's heart for the poor and oppressed. There are so many thoughts, challenges, and lessons I have been learning over the past few weeks. It is hard to describe in words the ways in which God is revealing Himself to me.

Stay tuned ... more to come.
Thank-you for your prayers during this exciting time.