So much love

Words cannot describe Lillian. The English language simply cannot capture her curiosity, innocence, and love. Especially when she is sleeping.

Each evening I quietly sneak into her room to take a peak. On most evenings, her beauty causes tightness in my chest. A love that cannot be contained in my soul. In moments when I want to burst out of my skin I can only think of God. So I get facedown and pray. I literally lie on the floor in her dark room and thank God for His rich blessings. The “facedown” challenge is a new way (really the only appropriate way) for me to assume of posture of reverence and surrender to our Most Holy God. Thank-you Beth Moore for your Stepping Up Bible Study!

One of the many reasons why I am often so overcome with this intoxicating feeling is because of the way Lillian loves her black baby dolls. Did I say loves … I mean really loves them. She is obsessed. Lillian will not nap or “night-night” without her babies. Each baby needs to be hugged (squeezed so tightly that Lillian’s face turns flush), kissed (bottom lip only, the upper lip is always tucked under) and rocked (violently flipped back and forth). Then she holds them to her as tight as possible and falls asleep. She knows they are safe in her arms.

Most of the time she sleeps on top of them. I can imagine a plastic arm or leg jabbing my tummy all night. But, Lillian demands they are close. Every morning I enter her room and she has an armful of babies. I give a morning kiss and snuggle to all her babies BEFORE I can pick Lillian up. Then the babies do all our daily activities with us, including eating and butt paste.

Why am I sharing this? This is such a critical reminder for me because I am still wondering how I can be a Mommy of two, when I struggle to be a Mommy of one on a regular basis. Ahh, the patience, love, more patience, discipline, joy, frustration, and more patience required is something I could never comprehend before Lillian. She is an amazing creation.

But, how great is our God? He gave me a daughter with enough love to share with our entire neighborhood, perhaps we could include West Linn and Gladstone too. She just loves everyone. Lillian is known for kissing other toddlers at church. If kisses are not welcomed by others, she sometimes causes an “owie” (aka: pulls hair or hits) the other kids. Owies need kisses right? One way or another … she just wants to kiss and hug other kids, especially babies. Two-year old logic?!?

She was made to be a big sister. What a special big sister she will be someday.

Anonymous

I wish I knew who you were, but I don’t. So, to the anonymous donor at Willamette Christian Church, this is what I want you to know.

If I knew who you were, I would drive to your home and let myself in. I would sit you down, look into your eyes, and hold your hand in mine. I would thank-you for your generosity towards our adoption. I would tell you how humbled I am for your support. I would give you my promise that I will seek God and His plans for this adoption. I would thank-you (again) for helping to make this possible. I would make sure you knew how much we appreciate your boldness and confidence, defined you’re your generosity, in us to welcome an orphan into our home. I would throw my arms around your neck and whisper softly in your ear “Thank-you, thank-you. Bless you, precious friend.. fellow sojourner.”

Now I look at everyone and wonder … Are you the one with a generous heart? Perhaps someday I will know? This life or the next.

Thank-you.