How Do You Know

I have been asked a lot of questions during the adoption process. Questions are both fun and challenging. One question that I have always had a difficult time articulating is: How did you know you should adopt?

There are a lot of ways to answer this question. First, there are 30 million orphans in the world. That should be reason enough to adopt and/or sponsor an orphan. However, just because there is need, does not mean I always respond (take for example dieting, cleaning house, exercise, and other world needs, ect). Second, adoption had been a lifelong goal. Even before Christopher and I were married I told him about my deep desire to adopt. But, this adoption process is much more than a “want” or “personal goal.” Not to mention, just because I want something does not mean I should pursue it. (I am a girl with many wants.)

I find this hard to articulate with words, this is more of a feeling deep in my soul. I recognize in others when a desire has penetrated their heart or not. Sometimes I see in others and in myself the tendency to talk about hopes and dreams, but never do anything to make it happen. For example – I hear all the time how people want to travel. Well, stop talking about it and start saving $25 a week. In less than one year you will have well over $1,000. If you watch for deals, $1,000 can get you a plane ticket and hotel for five nights almost anywhere in the US. With all due respect, don’t use the excuse you don’t have the money to travel. If you really want to travel you will start saving. If you won’t save $25 a week, then, you don’t REALLY want to travel. Part of traveling is the pre-travel process of saving and learning that allows you to reach the goal. This simple example overlaps with my adoption experience thus far. I have a point to this blog entry, I promise.

You see, we have done a ton of work to reach the goal. Taking the cat and dog to the vet, 8 letters of reference, FBI checks, Oregon State checks, fingerprinting (2x), local background checks, 10 hours of on-line education, 200+ page educational workbook, financial profiling, bank statements, employer statements, just to mention a few. My point is not to brag about all the hard work ... It is to write that the process itself has answered the question “How do I know?”

One situation in particular really solidified this. I had to drive out to the far side of Hillsboro (that’s over an hour from our home), pay a notary $35 for five minutes of his time, hire a babysitter to watch Lillian because 2.5 hours in the car is brutal for any 17 month old, and watch my employer sign a paper saying I work two hours a week. Not exactly cost effective or the way I would like to spend my time. Everything about this would normally give me reason to complain. But, I was so excited about the goal, that the unpractical use of time and money really did not faze me. I was actually eager and thankful. This is a big indicator … this coming from a person like me who usually researches the best use of money down to the penny and plans the use of my time weeks in advance (Type A, I know). But, when someone is truly passionate about something there is very little that can stop them besides themselves. This is what I have experienced as we have worked through the paperwork process. This is how I know we are doing the right thing, God willing.


The most important thing that has penetrated my heart is desiring someone to be a part of my family. Thinking, wondering, dreaming, imagining and praying for our next child. Thinking about their joyful expressions and tears of sadness. Wondering what they like to eat and what makes them laugh. Dreaming about Lillian playing with her little brother or sister. Imagining what this child will teach me. Praying this child will know how much I love them.

I believe that God wonders the same things about us. He desperately wants to be in communion with us … for us to be a part of His eternal family. The process for God to make a way for me to be adopted into his eternal family was The Ultimate Sacrifice, Jesus Christ. How would we know the love of God if he did nothing to show us? Likewise, how can I talk about the goal and dream of adoption and not pursue it?

Friends, it is in the process of trying that I can confidently answer your “How do you know” question. I know when I rejoice in the hard things and find joy in each step of the process. This is only possible because I have grown deeper in my understanding of my own adoption story through Jesus Christ.

This is how I know.

41 down 22 to go

Good news! We have completed all the paperwork for the home study. Yeah! That is a checklist of 41 documents. Wow! Our social worker contacted us yesterday and we have set up an appointment for the first week in January. Our next task is to complete all the paperwork for the dossier, another 22 documents. We are thrilled!

Because of Jesus.

In the words of Chris ...

I have typed a ton of my opinions and feeling about adoption on this blog. Everything I have written Chris has also read and has agreed with. But, I thought I would share some of his words from his personal profile. This profile is a 51 page packets with over 150 questions about our marriage, mental health, parenting, support systems, preparedness, and much more. We have each completed a profile and I did not read Chris’ words until last night. I was so encouraged and inspired by the man I have married that I wanted to share it with you. What an awesome man of God and father! These are his exact words:

In the last ten years, how have you changed when dealing with life situations?
“I have learned that life is FILLED with unique situations and have found that God has led me through EVERY adversity I’ve ever been faced with. A maturity I didn’t have 10 years ago.”

What are your partner’s strengths and weaknesses?
“She is extremely passionate about The Lord, is very loving, encouraging and an excellent communicator. Weaknesses … I can’t think of any. She is perfect.”

What are you and your spouse’s similarities and differences? How do you resolve or accept these differences?
“We both respect one another’s needs and differences. We are unbelievably different and 100% opposites in nearly everything, but it has become the absolute perfect combination and we balance each other well.”

Describe your marriage in terms of emotional satisfaction.
“I feel a strong sense of compassion and love both from her and towards her, she completes every part of me and we balance each other out very well. We are very connected with one another’s needs."

If you and your spouse have ever separated or contemplated separation, please describe the circumstances, and how you resolved the difficulties.
“Never thought of it …. Ever.”

Please describe what you want your child(ren) to remember most when they look back from adulthood.
“That their father was ALWAYS available and was someone they could trust.”

Please describe what values and /or principals you plan to impart to your child(ren).
“Hard work. Dedication to whatever it is they want to do. Being friendly and loving and Christ-like to those around them. Forgiveness, probably my #1 virtue.”

How do you show your children that you love them?
“LOTS and LOTS of hugs and kisses. Words of encouragement.”

When and why did you decide to adopt?
“It has been my wife’s life long goal. She has always had a heart for adoption and I love children, whether they are my own or not, my heart goes out to all of them. I felt the Lord lead us toward adoption many years ago."

What is your ideal relationship with birth parents/biological family members?
“Family is extremely important to me so if there is any chance of an on-going relationship I would try to take full advantage of that. Even to the point of traveling back to the country to meet the parents.”

Please describe the characteristics of a child you feel would be suitable for your family to adopt (age, appearance, physical condition, background factors, ect.)
“Well, saying “suitable” insinuates that I have a rigid criteria in which that child must meet before I will accept them … this is simply not the case and I don’t agree with the question. I trust that God will provide the child that is in His plans for me to love and openly accept.”

What challenges and rewards do you anticipate as a minority family?
“Challenges – I am sure there will be some segregation at times, I think it’s important to respond in a humble manor and always be courteous. Rewards – the excitement about learning a new culture and the differences and incorporating them into our family dynamics.”

There are many other questions I wanted to share, but this gives you a flavor of the character of Chris. If it was possible I would post his entire profile for the world to read and be encouraged by. I am often the person in the spot light, but nothing I do would be possible without Chris’ behind-the-scenes support and dedication to our family.

I love my husband and the father of Lillian and our next child.
He is the reason this adoption is possible.