How Do You Know

I have been asked a lot of questions during the adoption process. Questions are both fun and challenging. One question that I have always had a difficult time articulating is: How did you know you should adopt?

There are a lot of ways to answer this question. First, there are 30 million orphans in the world. That should be reason enough to adopt and/or sponsor an orphan. However, just because there is need, does not mean I always respond (take for example dieting, cleaning house, exercise, and other world needs, ect). Second, adoption had been a lifelong goal. Even before Christopher and I were married I told him about my deep desire to adopt. But, this adoption process is much more than a “want” or “personal goal.” Not to mention, just because I want something does not mean I should pursue it. (I am a girl with many wants.)

I find this hard to articulate with words, this is more of a feeling deep in my soul. I recognize in others when a desire has penetrated their heart or not. Sometimes I see in others and in myself the tendency to talk about hopes and dreams, but never do anything to make it happen. For example – I hear all the time how people want to travel. Well, stop talking about it and start saving $25 a week. In less than one year you will have well over $1,000. If you watch for deals, $1,000 can get you a plane ticket and hotel for five nights almost anywhere in the US. With all due respect, don’t use the excuse you don’t have the money to travel. If you really want to travel you will start saving. If you won’t save $25 a week, then, you don’t REALLY want to travel. Part of traveling is the pre-travel process of saving and learning that allows you to reach the goal. This simple example overlaps with my adoption experience thus far. I have a point to this blog entry, I promise.

You see, we have done a ton of work to reach the goal. Taking the cat and dog to the vet, 8 letters of reference, FBI checks, Oregon State checks, fingerprinting (2x), local background checks, 10 hours of on-line education, 200+ page educational workbook, financial profiling, bank statements, employer statements, just to mention a few. My point is not to brag about all the hard work ... It is to write that the process itself has answered the question “How do I know?”

One situation in particular really solidified this. I had to drive out to the far side of Hillsboro (that’s over an hour from our home), pay a notary $35 for five minutes of his time, hire a babysitter to watch Lillian because 2.5 hours in the car is brutal for any 17 month old, and watch my employer sign a paper saying I work two hours a week. Not exactly cost effective or the way I would like to spend my time. Everything about this would normally give me reason to complain. But, I was so excited about the goal, that the unpractical use of time and money really did not faze me. I was actually eager and thankful. This is a big indicator … this coming from a person like me who usually researches the best use of money down to the penny and plans the use of my time weeks in advance (Type A, I know). But, when someone is truly passionate about something there is very little that can stop them besides themselves. This is what I have experienced as we have worked through the paperwork process. This is how I know we are doing the right thing, God willing.


The most important thing that has penetrated my heart is desiring someone to be a part of my family. Thinking, wondering, dreaming, imagining and praying for our next child. Thinking about their joyful expressions and tears of sadness. Wondering what they like to eat and what makes them laugh. Dreaming about Lillian playing with her little brother or sister. Imagining what this child will teach me. Praying this child will know how much I love them.

I believe that God wonders the same things about us. He desperately wants to be in communion with us … for us to be a part of His eternal family. The process for God to make a way for me to be adopted into his eternal family was The Ultimate Sacrifice, Jesus Christ. How would we know the love of God if he did nothing to show us? Likewise, how can I talk about the goal and dream of adoption and not pursue it?

Friends, it is in the process of trying that I can confidently answer your “How do you know” question. I know when I rejoice in the hard things and find joy in each step of the process. This is only possible because I have grown deeper in my understanding of my own adoption story through Jesus Christ.

This is how I know.