On the inside ....

I have a million thoughts, praises, and fears swarming around in my head. The last thing I want to do is share them with the world. But a dear friend encouraged me to post it on the blog. I suppose facing your fears is one way to begin processing them. My fear, is of course, that people will not approve of our adoption journey. Maybe not blatantly disagree with adoption, but the details. Like international versus local adoption debate. Or maybe they disagree with the amount of money we will invest into the process. A quite valid argument. Or disagree with raising a black child in a white home. Or the million other negative aspects people could focus on. The worse for me is saying nothing at all. Honestly, the silence is heart retching. Did you or did you not receive a bright orange envelope with our story? In the end, I could respond to each of these concerns. In fact, I could spend my whole life responding to the concerns/opinions/thoughts of others. I have done a pretty good job of that so far in my life. So what is my point?
Exactly this: The only person I am responsible to answer to is God. His opinion is the only one that really matters. So, precious friends and family, thank-you for your concerns. Thank-you for allowing me to search within myself and make sure this adoption journey is not about me. It has brought me to my knees with humility and forced me to search my soul. You have forced me to find the source of my hope and purpose will come from. In other words, I can’t stay in a people-pleasing role forever. Not only is it impossible, but it is fake.
I am choosing to make my faith in Jesus Christ the life, not you, my deeply loved friends and family. I whole heartedly welcome your feedback. But at the end of the day, please know that I will ONLY listen and follow where God leads me.
If this is something you would like to support please return your orange envelope with a prayer or financial pledge. Chris and I deeply appreciate your support.
Words cannot thank a friend who has given in her time of need (You know who you are). When you are scratching the bottom of your own piggy bank and unsure how your own needs will be met, you gave to us. Thank-you.
Thank-you also to the ones who started this whole process off. Before even receiving a letter in the mail, you saw a need and generously responded. You are the only people I know with the God-inspired gift of generosity. We might say “I would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it.” But, these two people live out this slogan. Not just talk, but action. Thank-you. I can only hope to be that generous in my own life someday.
Thank-you to all the other precious friends and family who have shared words of encouragement. They help keep me fueled. Without your support I don’t know where we would be.
With a thankful and unwavering heart,
Erin